Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
this is an emotional support booty call
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
