oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He better not be in your backpack
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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