I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
