if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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