We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
