I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
