You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
