Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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