Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
