Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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