my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
