Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
