I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
