Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
