Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
