my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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