Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
