those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
