I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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