i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
