sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
