You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
