At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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