I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
