I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
