I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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