Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
