I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
