Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
