listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
PANTIES FOUND
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