I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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