Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
