I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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