im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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