Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
