I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
