battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
