I want to stick my p in your. b.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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