Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I supernannyed him into submission
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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