why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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