Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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