you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
