Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
