I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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