I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
