I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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