Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
