Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
