I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
