U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
