i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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